butterflies

as if they have left their larvas

right into the middle of my eyes

tiny butterflies

and maybe from there

where all the tears come from 

that tiny hole

they somehow slided in 

and started to fly in my stomach

softly caressing the walls of my gut

with their wings

then 

days 

have gone

i couldn’t open my mouth 

couldn’t take a breath from you

it got darker 

darker in me

butterflies 

couldn’t see 

my walls

the darkness surrounded their wings

all covered by a green slime thing

couldn’t fly

couldn’t breathe

died 

in me

my gut turned into a butterfly cemetery 

and you didn’t recognise

when you did,

way later, 

tried to resurrect them 

it was late

so late

that you couldn’t find 

even the cemetery 

Enough

Should we be happy with with what we have or should we keep looking?

There is no one/thing that is flawlessly perfect for you 

BUT 

you deserve better.

When should we stop looking for better, when should we settle? When we are tired or when we are happy enough? What is 'enough'? Enough is when we don't think the neighbour's grass is greener or when we know it is greener but we are still happy with ours? Enough is so much that we don't envy others despite what we have is not perfect. Enough is a trade of bads and goods, happy and sad, excited and dull. Enough is not when you wake up happy every morning, but at least, most of the mornings.

Love

When you love deep,
it hurts deep.
When you love strong,
the bond between the love pieces
get tighter and tighter.
When love holds
your heart in its hands,
you have nothing
else than surrendering.
Love hurts,
when it doesn't know.
Your heart is strangled.

Love is an important matter.
One should not take it lightly.

Difference

Is it because we got used to have everything very fast and instant that we are inclined to jump into conclusions without letting our brains spend enough time on things/events/emotions? Is it the reason why majority of the people can not distinguish the difference between anger and sadness? Is it because we are always in a hurry?

Strong

"You are a strong woman. I would never think you would be bothered to be left alone."

People never think I am suicidal either. People never think all the things I am expected to do are killing me. People never think I am full of insecurities and silly issues.

I am bipolar. I do not have bipolar. I AM bipolar. That's what I am. That's what I can not change. And I am learning to live with it. But it is not easy. Learning to live with it is not easy, teaching people around me how to live with me is even worse. People get scared, feel decepted, and maybe don't like me any more, who knows.

The thoughts in my mind says 'he' will not love me as much as he did at first, if he gets to know how fragile and vulnerable and depressed I am. The thoughts in my mind says that he likes me because I am strong. But am I really?

What is being strong? Is it survival or is it not taking any damage? Because I took a ton of damage but I managed to survive after each and every storm. My ship is full of holes and scratches inside; they are not visible to outsiders but if you come inside.. it is a wreckage that people would be surprised that my ship keeps carrying on despite all the holes. Yeah I got holes in my life, well I got holes in my heart, but I carry on...