Difference

Is it because we got used to have everything very fast and instant that we are inclined to jump into conclusions without letting our brains spend enough time on things/events/emotions? Is it the reason why majority of the people can not distinguish the difference between anger and sadness? Is it because we are always in a hurry?

Strong

"You are a strong woman. I would never think you would be bothered to be left alone."

People never think I am suicidal either. People never think all the things I am expected to do are killing me. People never think I am full of insecurities and silly issues.

I am bipolar. I do not have bipolar. I AM bipolar. That's what I am. That's what I can not change. And I am learning to live with it. But it is not easy. Learning to live with it is not easy, teaching people around me how to live with me is even worse. People get scared, feel decepted, and maybe don't like me any more, who knows.

The thoughts in my mind says 'he' will not love me as much as he did at first, if he gets to know how fragile and vulnerable and depressed I am. The thoughts in my mind says that he likes me because I am strong. But am I really?

What is being strong? Is it survival or is it not taking any damage? Because I took a ton of damage but I managed to survive after each and every storm. My ship is full of holes and scratches inside; they are not visible to outsiders but if you come inside.. it is a wreckage that people would be surprised that my ship keeps carrying on despite all the holes. Yeah I got holes in my life, well I got holes in my heart, but I carry on...

Sometimes there is no better way of showing your inner self than writing. It is good to share and lead the way to your inside but if you reach to a point where you are forcing someone to go deep in you... that's a dangerous point, that's where you need to stop. This is valid for everything; you can only tell people what is good/bad/real/false but you can not force them to act on it. This is life. Hard to accept but this may be one of the only truths of the life.

I wish people would really listen. I wish I could hold some people's hand and take them to a trip into my museum. I wish people could believe what I say when I say. I wish life hadn't taught so many wrong lessons to everyone.

My heart and mind is such a mess that I can not even write!

Games? No, thank you.

I am never a gamer when it comes to relationships. But sadly, some people are. They even like it so much that when you play your cards open, when you show you like them, they immediately loose their interest in you. This may sound arrogant but I feel sad for those people because I think they can never have a 100% honest relationship, 100% trust, 100% openness in their lives, ever. The moment they get it, they would loose it. 

I want my parter to know everything about me and everything in my mind; and vice versa. I want to feel so comfortable as if I live in his mind. But how can you have such a comfort if you have to play games all the time, if you have to keep some level of mysticism, if you have to stay unreachable? I want my partner to know that I am available for him at every f.cking moment and I expect him to appreciate and cherish this, instead of considering me as someone under his disposal. Surely I may have my own plans and priorities, but if he needs or wants, most of them are open for a change, because I care for him and I enjoy spending my time with him and I want to make him happy. So what part of this is too easy? Can you really think everyone is ready to make you one of their priorities and you can spare people who are open for that? If you really think so, sorry for the spoiler my friend, but you are dumb!