1 Eylül 2015 Salı

Breakfast at Tiffany's

It was 11 years ago when he has told me "You are like the girl at 'Breakfast at Tiffany's" with a smile and a slight amazement on his eyes. 

I haven't got what he meant at that time but now I do, after finally watching the movie till the end. 
It took me 11 years to watch a movie which I was really curious about! I can't exactly say if I postponed it so long just because I was subconsciously delaying the gratification or I was afraid to see what might be the resemblance.  I guess the latter.

As me being me, I couldn't finish the movie at one go. It took me 5 days in total and a few bottles of wine. Good thing is, I also found myself on her; not only at the beginning of the movie by being extremely messy yet still managing all the things in her life; ignorant of her affect on others but aware of her power; seeming like she doesn't care but very broken inside... but also some other funny little details such as the way she does her hair and how she changes in the car. I was also as cruel as she is and could have let the cat out under such horrible rain too! All these aside, I think what he really found similar between me and Holy, was the fear of ownership, the fear of being put into the cage of love and possession. 

It took me a crazy moment to decide to get married and difficult days to go through the procedures and to stick with my decision. When I have first told my good friend, Jim, that I was gonna marry; he has said "You? Are going to marry? This is like the Pope being Muslim!" And yes, he was right, it was such an unexpected thing on the surface but in the deep inside I have never surrendered to that sense of possession or being possessed by somebody, thus it wasn't so big. It took me more than a year to finally surrender though... I have changed in the mean time, learned to tolerate and also quit drugs and finally surrendered. And then? The guy asks at "My blueberry nights", 'What happened?' and the girl replies 'Life happened'. 

Life keeps happening... Especially when you think you know what is next; life does its show and surprises you! That's why I no more make plans for longer than a few months, maximum 3. I learned that no matter how great plan I have with how many alternatives, there is always a way that might happen to surprise or disappoint me. Then why bother?

 The end of the movie doesn't end like mine. I don't know which end is better though. 

Of course there are tons of differences between her and I. I always knew the value of people/things when I had them. I don't need to loose smthg to understand how important it is for me. And I never appreciated money let aside going after it. 

Also, there are things I still do like her... still trying to find and do the things I haven't done, be loyal to my promises, jump into the drawers, drink as much as I like... Anyway, I was a lot more like her at those times... Now I am like what? I don't know. Probably someone will tell me soon. You're like the girl at...

PS: After we broke up, he has also said "You are like Kafka's Milena for me" and I think I am still afraid to figure out how she is... 

Hiç yorum yok:

Yorum Gönderme

İki kelam etmeden gittiğinde üzülüyorum ben.