7 Şubat 2017 Salı

Strong

"You are a strong woman. I would never think you would be bothered to be left alone."

People never think I am suicidal either. People never think all the things I am expected to do are killing me. People never think I am full of insecurities and silly issues.

I am bipolar. I do not have bipolar. I AM bipolar. That's what I am. That's what I can not change. And I am learning to live with it. But it is not easy. Learning to live with it is not easy, teaching people around me how to live with me is even worse. People get scared, feel decepted, and maybe don't like me any more, who knows.

The thoughts in my mind says 'he' will not love me as much as he did at first, if he gets to know how fragile and vulnerable and depressed I am. The thoughts in my mind says that he likes me because I am strong. But am I really?

What is being strong? Is it survival or is it not taking any damage? Because I took a ton of damage but I managed to survive after each and every storm. My ship is full of holes and scratches inside; they are not visible to outsiders but if you come inside.. it is a wreckage that people would be surprised that my ship keeps carrying on despite all the holes. Yeah I got holes in my life, well I got holes in my heart, but I carry on...

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