The Witch of Portobello / i

Even it was a bit boring at the beginning, i like Athena more as much as i read. May be i like it just because i find some similarities.

• "She was always flirting with danger. Thay say that extroverts are unhappier than introverts and have to compensate for this by constantly proving to themselves how happy and contented and at ease with life they are." (P/9)

It sounds a bit weird and cruel to match this with myself... Each time i take the book, these sentences are catching a glimpse ... then i go back to the page i was. I'm thinking for two weeks, do i really try to convince myself that i'm happy all the time? Is this the reason why i'm falling so often recently, as i'm not as good at convincing myself as i was before? Doesn't matter how much i think, i can't find the answer. i can't go along with any the answer i find and i keep reading.

• "We women, when we're searching for a meaning to our lives or for the path of knowledge, always identify with the one of four classic archetypes. The Virgin:... The Martry:... The Saint:... Finally, the Witch justifies her existence by going in search of complete and limitless pleasure."(P/12)

When i think of this, i realized once again that really don't do anything if i don't want to. If i don't enjoy the job i do or the breath i take, i simply don't. I have enough luxry in my life not to do anything i don't want to. I hope there won't be any occasion in the future that makes me do something i really don't want to do. Till now, whatever the cost was, i never did something i didn't want to. I'm not sure if it is good to be so hard to life, i'm not sure if it is something to be proud of, but i am proud of this. Because this is something makes you realize how sure you are and makes me feel so free! As a witch, i really feel the sense of everything i do!

• "... she quoted these lines by Robert Frost:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference" (P/28)

Isn't this what i always do? Taking the less used way to find out what happens. Making my own way, following my own rules...

• Athena thinks her mission is to be a mother and says "If i don't feel life growing inside me, I'll never be able to accept life outside me."

For me, this is just contrary. I don't think i can ever accept a life growing in me, as long as i accept this life outside me. I can't do such a thing to such an innocent soul as long as the world stays so...

• "Bacause all my life I've learned to suffer in silence." (P/41)

I think this is the golden rule to deceive yourself that you're happy all the time. The minute you suffer obviously is the minute you accept your failure. Even i accept many failures and sometimes suffer very loudly i know at which points i really suffer in silence, and this will always be so...

• "I've noticed that loneliness gets stronger when we try to face it down but gets weaker when we simply ingore it." (P/54)
  

This is what i also experienced. If you keep telling yourself that you are not alone or do something to show yourself that you are not alone, or expect any action from anyone to prove that you are not alone, it never works. All you should do is to act as there isn't such a thing called as loneliness. Even i generally like loneliness, there are always some painful times i think i'm lonely. But who cares! Both i like my loneliness and there isn't any loneliness =))

• " 'Why is patience so important?' 'Because it makes us pay attention.'" (P/77).

She also doesn't like to be patient, just like me. As i always say... If patience is the ability to watch the water running out of the sink by moving in circles, i'm absolutely not patient at all!

• Her calligraphy teacher says: "The paper ceases to be a flat, colorless surface and takes on the depth of the things placed on it." (P/79)

May be we should also be like the paper. Ready to be written by life, deep enough to take the meaning what's being written on us and wise enough to know that to be a white paper is not something that can be used just to scratch but worthy to state in evidence of life... We shouldn't get angry to the life because of the bad things we live but we should be wise enough to understand the meanings of those experiences.

She is also kinda hiperactive like me. I was always thinking why i am so... And i think i found the reason thanks to Coelho. She is having trouble whenever she has a space, even at the spaces when she writes calligraphy. Having a space is making me mad, i feel as my mind will explode with those thought i don't want to hear and i feel lost within that spaces. That's why i always have to do something. That's why i have to go to bed just when i'm so tired to sleep..that's why i like to fall a sleep on the couch while doing something and then go to my bed with full of sleep, just not to fall into those spaces...

• "When I'm doing something, I feel complete, but no one can keep active twenty-four hours a day. As soon as I stop, I feel there's something lacking. You've often said to me that I'm a naturally restless person, but I didn't choose to be that way. I'd like to sit here quietly, watching television, but I can't. My brain won't stop. Sometimes I think I'm going mad." (P/88)

Today when i read these lines on the bus, I was kinda amazed. There are also some people on the world having same thing what i have and somehow there is someone described so good how i feel! To see any descriptive attempt for this feeling is unbelievable for me. From now on, whoever tells me that I'm a restless person, i can tell them or make them read these lines... I don't know if they will understand exactly how i feel but at least here is the description!

The book is 268pages, i'm at page 89 and i'll keep writing my impression sas much as read as i promised. I wanted to write till here so it won't be an extremely long entry when I finish the book. I don't know if this was what you asked but this is all i can...

* Bu sıkıcı entry için üzgünüm ama verilmiş bir sözün üzerine yazmam gerekiyordu, belki ilgisini çeken olursa diye buradan yazdım. Muhtemel zilyon tane hata için de kusura kalmayınız, vakit 3'e çeyrek var, bugün çook yorucu bir gündü...